Where my faith stems from: My testimony

                 

     

        Turns out, I was never TRULY a Christian at all. Not until, about a year and a half ago. I never knew what it truly meant to be a Christian or what it meant to have a relationship with God... I didn't even really know you could have one at that point to be quite honest. All my life I had grown up in the church and I thought, because I had attended Church every week and prayed every night, that I was saved. Little to my past knowledge, being a Christian is much more than showing up to church on Sunday mornings.

    At that point and time in my life, I was dealing with a lot of things, some of my main issues were a 5 year battle against depression and learning how to love myself. I was in a dark place, everyone else had given up on me and I had felt as if God had given up on me as well, which was far from the truth; He was probably closets to me than before, I just kept pushing him away with all my worry, doubt and anger. There was a point for about 15 minutes, when I questioned the existence of God and in that moment, life had felt the most valueless, meaningless and hopeless than ever before. After that, I laid there begging God to forgive me for doubting him, even for just fifteen minutes. It had felt as if he weren't there anymore and nothing had value left in it. In that moment I was given a taste of what life would be like without God.. Absolutely nothing. I knew God was still there, I just couldn't feel him because I had never truly had the relationship with him that I needed as a supposed to be Christian. At that time, I had attended a much smaller church than the one I do now and we were told that, that Friday, Saturday and Sunday, we were going to have a guest speaker, pastor Sanforian Dondon, come from Canada and minister.  
That Saturday, I guess you can say I accidentally ended up in church that night, but to God, that was exactly where I needed to be. At the end of his sermon, he asked that anyone who needed physical healing, to come and receive prayers. I sat there and watched as people went up for healing of their legs and arms, joints, etc. I've grown up in the church and was used to seeing others receive healing for various things but never had I experienced it myself. As I was sitting, pastor Dondon then looked at me and said, "Come, you need healing... For your heart. you're in pain."  In that moment, my heart sunk. I wondered, how in the world could this man, from another country, that I have never seen before, know more about me than even my parents or closest friends? I did need healing, my heart was heavy and full of anger, sadness, worry, hopelessness and self-hatred, but how could he possibly know that? It was because it was not him speaking, but him allowing God to speak through him. He prayed for me and I felt the presence of The Lord like never before, it was this sense of peace and love and forgiveness.. It was calming and hopeful. When he had finished praying for me, he made me promise that I would  come back tomorrow, Sunday, and have him pray for me again. That Sunday, he called me up again and from that point on, my life has never been the same. He revealed so much that I had never told anyone. He then went on to tell me everything I had and was going through in detail, he then said, "God hears your cries, when no one else does." He said God says he loves you and everything will be okay, from this day forward, your life will never be the same.  From there, he continued to reveal what God has in store for me and that peaceful presence was bestowed upon me again. I then hugged both pastor Dondon and his wife and to be honest, I never wanted to let go.

   To this day, those words are what I hold on to, Gods Divine Purpose for me is what keeps me going. I know that everything I go through is preparing me for the unthinkable blessings He has in store for my life. Every word of it was true. I see the things God has promised me, unfolding in front of my eyes and it's so exciting. Alongside the great things he is doing for me in the shadows and things i don't even realize, every day I see God do little things for me to remind me he's still here, and is listening and I can't help but smile, sometimes laugh, and thank him. I wish I could hug him, but I know I will be be able to in due time. Feeling the presence of The Lord and his plans for my life is what ultimately strengthened my faith. My personal experience with him and everything he does has done and is doing in my life is where my faith stems from. The way the things that have happened in my life have all eventually added up to make sense, providing me with lessons in which I have had to apply to other situations, making them easier to handle every time, is where my faith stems from. Looking outside and seeing the sun paint the sky in watercolor before it bids us all goodnight and the way my body works as if it is the greatest computer ever made, is what strengthens my faith. No beauty like the ones found in nature can be credited for by an accidental explosion. There is no way. The way my mindset has evolved and I am now able to see the beauty in absolutely everything.. That is where my faith stems from. My faith is strengthened more and more daily because I just find such amazement in things people take for granted. My faith stems from the fact that I have experienced the presence, beauty, goodness, love, mercy, kindness and forgiveness of The Lord for myself. From that point on I was finally able to build the relationship with God that I needed because I was able to understand him more. My love, passion and desire for him burned a hole in my heart that was filled with his love. My relationship with God is much more than Master and servant but Father and child, Support system, the only one I can truly trust, a Lover and a Friend.

   Once I TRULY gave my life to God, it changed tremendously. The way I walked and talked, the things I did, the way I viewed life in general transposed into something so beautiful you'd have to experience it yourself. You can if you're willing. My future seemed so much brighter and I started actually looking forward to life with Christ, rather than wanting it to end. My depression deteriorated and life became easier to handle, knowing I was not the one fighting, but God was fighting for me as long as I allow him to.  Knowing God loved me allowed me to love myself and love him even more. So many things have become so much clearer, my desires, priorities and aspirations have changed. And in the midst if all the chaos going on, the world is still a beautiful place because I have God right by my side, shielding me. 

    With that said, being a Christian is not all flowery. You are not now immune to hardship, in some ways, you now attract it. The enemy does not want to see you go down Gods path, therefore, he becomes angry and he will try even harder to reel you back over to him, throwing hardships at you. However, those are the times you must stand the most firm in your faith and carry on closer to God, Satan cannot reach you there. "Resist the devil and he shall flee." Once he realizes how strong your faith is and you study and utilize the Word of God to fight off the shots from the enemy, he will flee from you. One of the best things about being a Christian is how much I no longer have to worry because I know everything is already taken care of, all I need to do is ask through prayer and believe that through the deeds of Jesus Christ on the cross, It is finished. 
Colossians  1:24-25 "

24Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I do my share on behalf of His body, which is the church, in filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions. 25Of this church I was made a minister according to the stewardship from God bestowed on me for your benefit, so that I might fully carry out the preaching of the word of God"

     I am not perfect, I am absolute nowhere near it and I won't be until I am standing in front of God in heaven. I still fall back into sin once in a while, but not purposely and not as drastically as before. I, yes, still find myself getting angry or worried or anxious but I quickly catch myself and remember what The Lord has promised me. Has promised us all. I am human, of course I will feel those ways sometimes but it's only a sin when I act upon those feelings instead of turn them up to God. I have learned instead, to let go and let God. "Grace is not an excuse to do wrong but a reason to love and serve God even more fully".

   Being a Christian is a lifestyle, being a Christian is my life. I have faithfully and fully devoted my life to The Lord, allowing him to do with it, what is pleases. It is no longer my life, it is his. 

I have made the conscious decision to let God carry out his work through me. I have no fears and no doubts, knowing my life is in the hands of The Lord God Almighty, the safest place it could ever be, for he only has plans of the best for me, his child. 

Being a Christian entails giving up your past life in exchange for the much better one God has waiting for you to receive. 

Being a Christian is not about your needs, although, they will be taken care of. Being a Christian is about devoting your life to make someone else's easier, not throwing your bibles but throwing love onto even those who are resistant of if it; leading by example as Jesus did, spreading the good news of The Lord to anyone who is willing to listen, and continuing to pray for those who are not. Approaching people with kindness, generosity, care and gentleness and accepting all with open arms, just as The Father would. Being bold and taking leaps of faith. Being a Christian means being like Christ.